Bedanya Hanya Lima Menit

 

Kategori: Akhlaq dan Nasehat

Belum Ada Komentar // 28 February 2012

Tulisan ini sebuah renungan untuk menyisihkan sedikit waktu untuk ibadah, apalagi dengan banyak waktu. Terinspirasi dari teman saya yang setiap hari lewat di hadapan saya, seorang muadzdzin di masjid kantor saya, setiap itu pula saya melihat jam, selalu menunjukkan 5 menit sebelum waktu adzan shalat fardhu. Sejenak saya berfikir beberapa hal karenanya.
Subhanallah,  hanya dengan menyisihkan waktunya 5 menit sebelum orang lain, dia mendapatkan pahala mengumandangkan adzan, yang akan dipanjangkan lehernya di hari kiamat.

عَنْ مُعَاوِيَةَ بْنَ أَبِى سُفْيَانَ رضي الله عنه قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ -صلى الله عليه وسلم- « الْمُؤَذِّنُونَ أَطْوَلُ النَّاسِ أَعْنَاقًا يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ ».

“Mu’awiyah bin Abi Sufyan radhiyallahu ‘anhu berkata: “Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam bersabda: “Para muadzdzin adalah orang-orang yang paling panjang lehernya di antara manusia pada hari kiamat.” (HR. Ibnu Majah dan dishahihkan oleh Al Albani di dalam kitab Shahih Al Jami’, no. 1031)
Yang dimaksud “yang paling panjang lehernya di antara manusia pada hari kiamat” adalah;
Pertama, mereka adalah orang yang paling banyak harapannya pada saat orang-orang dalam kesusahan sedangkan mereka (para muadzdzin) sangat berharap diizinkan bagi mereka untuk masuk surga.
Kedua, mereka (para muadzdzin) sangat dekat dengan Allah.
Ketiga, mereka (para muadzdzin) tidak akan tenggelam di dalam keringat mereka, karena sesungguhnya manusia pada hari kiamat mereka berada di dalam keringat mereka sesuai dengan kadar amalan-amalan mereka.
Keempat, mereka (para muadzdzin) akan menjadi pemimpin-pemimpin pada hari kiamat. Orang Arab mengungkapkan kepemimpinan dengan panjang leher.
Kelima, mereka (para muadzdzin) tidak akan hina dan menundukkan pandangannya pada hari kiamat malu. (Lihat kitab At Taisir Bisyarh Al Jami’ Ash Shaghir, karya Al Munawi dan kitab An Niayah Fi Gharib Al Atsar, karya Ibnu Al Atsir).
Subhanallah, hanya dengan menyisihkan waktunya lima menit sebelum orang lain,  dia mendapatkan pahala duduk di shaf pertama yaitu sangat besar sampai boleh berundi untuk mendapatkannya.

عَنْ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ بْنِ عَوْفٍ رضي الله عنه قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ -صلى الله عليه وسلم- «إِنَّ اللَّهَ وَمَلاَئِكَتَهُ يُصَلُّونَ عَلَى الصَّفِّ الأَوَّلِ»

“Abdurrahman bin ‘Auf radhiyallahu ‘anhu berkata: “Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam bersabda: “Sesungguhnya Allah dan para malaikat-Nya bershalawat atas orang-orang yang di shaf pertama.” (HR. Ibnu Majah dan dihasankan oleh Al Albani di dalam kitab Shahih At Targhib Wa At Tarhib, no. 492).
Maksud dari “Allah dan para malaikat-Nya bershalawat atas orang-orang yang dishaf pertama” adalah:
Pertama, Allah merahmati atas orang-orang yang shalat di shaf pertama dan para malaikat berdoa bagi mereka mendapatkan taufik dan yang lainnya. (Lihat kitab Mir’atul Mafatih Syarh Misykat Al Mashabih, karya Al Mubarakfuri).
Kedua, Allah Ta’ala memuji orang-orang yang shalat di shaf pertama di hadapan para malaikat dan para malaikat mendoakan mereka mendapat ampunan, rahmat dan berkah. Lihat pada kitab Shahih Bukhari pada bab:

قَوْلِهِ (إِنَّ اللَّهَ وَمَلاَئِكَتَهُ يُصَلُّونَ عَلَى النَّبِىِّ يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا صَلُّوا عَلَيْهِ وَسَلِّمُوا تَسْلِيمًا)

عَنْ أَبِى هُرَيْرَةَ رضي الله عنه أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ – صلى الله عليه وسلم – قَالَ « لَوْ يَعْلَمُ النَّاسُ مَا فِى النِّدَاءِ وَالصَّفِّ الأَوَّلِ ، ثُمَّ لَمْ يَجِدُوا إِلاَّ أَنْ يَسْتَهِمُوا عَلَيْهِ لاَسْتَهَمُوا ، وَلَوْ يَعْلَمُونَ مَا فِى التَّهْجِيرِ لاَسْتَبَقُوا إِلَيْهِ ، وَلَوْ يَعْلَمُونَ مَا فِى الْعَتَمَةِ وَالصُّبْحِ لأَتَوْهُمَا وَلَوْ حَبْوًا»

“Abu Hurairah radhiyallahu ‘anhu meriwayatkan bahwa Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam bersabda: “Jikalau manusia mengetahui apa yang ada di dalam adzan dan shaf pertama, kemudian mereka tidak mendapatkan hal itu kecuali dengan berundi atasnya maka niscaya mereka akan berundi, jikalau mereka mengetahui apa yang ada di dalam bersegera pergi ke masjid maka niscaya mereka akan berlomba-lomba kepadanya, jikalau mereka mengetahui apa yang ada di dalam shalat isya’ dan shalat shubuh maka niscaya mereka akan mendatangi keduanya walau dalam keadaan merangkak.” (HR. Bukhari dan Muslim).
Ibnu Rajab rahimahullah berkata,

فقوله : ( ( لو يعلم الناس ما في النداء والصف الاول ) ) – يعني : لو يعلمون فيهما من الفضل والثواب ، ثم لم يجدوا الوصول اليهما الا بالاستهام عليهما – ومعناه : الاقراع – لاستهموا عليهما تنافساً فيهما ومشاحة في تحصيل فضلهما واجرهما .

Sabda beliau: “Jikalau manusia mengetahui apa yang ada di dalam adzan dan shaf pertama”, maksudnya adalah jikalau mereka mengetahui di dalam keduanya terdapat berupa keutamaan dan ganjaran pahala, kemudian merela tidak mendapati untuk mendapatkan keduanya kecuali dengan berundi atasnya maka niscaya mereka akan berundi untuk mendapatkan keduanya sebagai bentuk persaingan dan ingin mendapatkan keutamaan dan pahala keduanya.” (Lihat kitab Fath Al Baari, karya Ibnu Rajab).
Subhanallah, hanya dengan menyisihkan waktunya lima menit sebelum orang lain, dia mendapatkan pahala sebanyak jamaah yang shalat karena panggilan adzannya.

عَنْ أُبَىِّ بْنِ كَعْبٍ رضي الله عنه قَالَ صَلَّى بِنَا رَسُولُ اللَّهِ -صلى الله عليه وسلم- يَوْمًا الصُّبْحَ فَقَالَ «… وَإِنَّ صَلاَةَ الرَّجُلِ مَعَ الرَّجُلِ أَزْكَى مِنْ صَلاَتِهِ وَحْدَهُ وَصَلاَتُهُ مَعَ الرَّجُلَيْنِ أَزْكَى مِنْ صَلاَتِهِ مَعَ الرَّجُلِ وَمَا كَثُرَ فَهُوَ أَحَبُّ إِلَى اللَّهِ تَعَالَى ».

“Ubay bin Ka’ab radhiyallahu ‘anhu berkata: Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam bersabda: “…Dan sesungguhnya shalat seseorang bersama satu orang lebih baik daripada shalatnya sendirian, dan shalatnya bersama dua orang lebih baik daripada shalatnya satu orang, dan apa saja yang lebih banyak (jumlah jama’ahnya) maka itu yang paling diskuai oleh Allah Ta’ala.” (HR. Abu Daud dan dishahihkan oleh Al Albani di dalam Shahih At targhib wa At Tarhib, no. 411).
Syaikh Abdul Muhsin Al Abbad hafizhahullah berkata,

وهذا يدل على فضل الجماعة؛ لأن صلاة الرجل مع الرجل أزكى من صلاته وحده، وصلاته مع الرجلين أزكى من صلاته مع الواحد، وكلما كان أكثر فهو أحب إلى الله عز وجل، وهذا يدلنا على فضل الجماعة، بل وعلى فضل كثرة الجماعة، وأنه كلما كانت الجماعة أكثر فذلك أفضل وأعظم أجراً عند الله عز وجل.

“Ini menunjukkan keutamaan shalat berjamaah, karena shalat seseorang bersama satu orang lebih baik daripada shalatnya sendirian, dan shalatnya bersama dua orang lebih baik daripada shalatnya satu orang. Dan setiap kali bertambah banyak maka itu yang paling dicintai oleh Allah Azza wa Jalla, dan ini menunjukkan keapda kita tentang keutamaan shalat berjamaah bahkan menunjukkan akan keutamaan banyaknya bilangan shalat berjamaah, yaitu setiap kali bertambah maka hal itu lebih utama dan lebih besar pahalanya di sisi Allah Azza wa Jalla.” (Syarh Sunan Abu Daud, karya Syaikh Abdul Muhsin Al Abbad hafizhahullah – syamela).
Subhanallah, hanya dengan menyisihkan lima menit sebelum orang lain, dia mendapatkan pahala duduk di dalam masjid menunggu shalat yaitu didoakan oleh para malaikat mendapat rahmat, ampunan dan taubat dari Allah Ta’ala.

عَنْ أَبِى هُرَيْرَةَ رضي الله عنه أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ -صلى الله عليه وسلم- قَالَ « لاَ يَزَالُ الْعَبْدُ فِى صَلاَةٍ مَا كَانَ فِى مُصَلاَّهُ يَنْتَظِرُ الصَّلاَةَ تَقُولُ الْمَلاَئِكَةُ اللَّهُمَّ اغْفِرْ لَهُ اللَّهُمَّ ارْحَمْهُ حَتَّى يَنْصَرِفَ أَوْ يُحْدِثَ ». فَقِيلَ مَا يُحْدِثُ قَالَ يَفْسُو أَوْ يَضْرِطُ.

“Abu Hurairah radhiyallahu ‘anhu berkata: “Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam bersabda: “Masih saja seorang hamba terhitung di dalam shalat selama dia di tempat shalatnya menunggu shalat, maka para malaikat berdoa: “Wahai Allah ampunilah dia, rahmatilah dia sampai dia pergi atau berhadats”, ditanya: “Apakah (maksudnya) sampai dia berhadats?” dijawab: “mengeluarkan angin atau kentut.” (HR. Abu Daud).
Di dalam riwayat Muslim,

فَإِذَا دَخَلَ الْمَسْجِدَ كَانَ فِى الصَّلاَةِ مَا كَانَتِ الصَّلاَةُ هِىَ تَحْبِسُهُ وَالْمَلاَئِكَةُ يُصَلُّونَ عَلَى أَحَدِكُمْ مَا دَامَ فِى مَجْلِسِهِ الَّذِى صَلَّى فِيهِ يَقُولُونَ اللَّهُمَّ ارْحَمْهُ اللَّهُمَّ اغْفِرْ لَهُ اللَّهُمَّ تُبْ عَلَيْهِ مَا لَمْ يُؤْذِ فِيهِ مَا لَمْ يُحْدِثْ فِيهِ.

“Jika dia masuk masjid, maka dia ada di dalam shalat selam shalat menahannya dan para malaikat akan bershalawat atas salah seorang diantara kalian selama dia di tempat yang dia shalat di dalamnya, mereka berdoa: “Wahai Allah rahmatilah dia, Wahai Allah ampunilah dia, wahai Allah terimalah taubatnya”, selama dia tidak menyakiti di dalamnya atau berhadats di dalamnya.” (HR. Muslim).
Subhanallah, hanya dengan menyisihkan waktunya lima menit sebelum orang lain, dia mendapatkan pahala selalu melaksanakan shalat rawatib yaitu dibangunkan sebuah rumah di surga.

عَنْ أُمَّ حَبِيبَةَ رضي الله عنها تَقُولُ سَمِعْتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ -صلى الله عليه وسلم- يَقُولُ «مَنْ صَلَّى اثْنَتَىْ عَشْرَةَ رَكْعَةً فِى يَوْمٍ وَلَيْلَةٍ بُنِىَ لَهُ بِهِنَّ بَيْتٌ فِى الْجَنَّةِ»

“Ummu Habibah radhiyallahu ‘anha berkata: “Aku pernah mendengar Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam bersabda: “Barangsiapa yang shalat sebnayak dua belas rakaat pada sehari dan semalam, maka dibangunkan baginya sebuah rumah di dalam surga.” (HR. Muslim).
Subhanallah, hanya dengan menyisihkan waktunya lima menit sebelum orang lain, dia mendapatkan pahala berdoa diantara adzan dan iqamah, yaitu doanya tidak tertahan dan tertolak.

عَنْ أَنَسِ بْنِ مَالِكٍ رضي الله عنه قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ -صلى الله عليه وسلم- « لاَ يُرَدُّ الدُّعَاءُ بَيْنَ الأَذَانِ وَالإِقَامَةِ»

“Anas bin Malik radhiyallahu ‘anhu berkata: Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam bersabda: “Tidak ditolak doa antara adzan dan iqamah.” (HR. Abu Daud).
Ash Shan’any rahimahullah berkata,

والحديث دليل على قبول الدعاء في هذه المواطن إذ عدم الرد يراد به القبول والإجابة ثم هو عام لكل دعاء ولا بد من تقييده بما في الأحاديث غيره من أنه ما لم يكن دعاء بإثم أو قطيعة رحم

“Dan hadits ini adalah dalil yang menunjukkan diterimanya doa pada tempat-tempat seperti ini, karena tidak ditolak dimaksudkan dengannya adalah penerimaan dan pengabulan, ini juga umum untuk setiap dia dan harus dibatasi dengan hadits-hadits lainnya yang menyebutkan bahwa selama bukan doa berupa dosa atau memutuskan silaturrahim.” (Lihat kitab Subul As Salam, karya Muhammad Ash Shan’any, 1/131).
Sebab kenapa dikabulkannya doa antara adzan dan iqamah, mari lihat penjelasannya dari Syaikh Abdul Muhsin Al Abbad hafizahullah,

عني: في فضله، وأن ذلك من أسباب قبول الدعاء أو من الأوقات التي يقبل فيها الدعاء، وذلك أن الإنسان عندما يكون بين الأذان والإقامة ينتظر الصلاة هو في صلاة وفي عبادة وفي إقبال على الله عز وجل وبعد عن مشاغل الدنيا والحديث فيها والتعلق بها، فيكون ذلك من الأوقات التي يقبل فيها الدعاء ويرجى فيها قبول الدعاء.

“Dan bahwa hal itu (berdoa antara adzan dan iqamah) termasuk sebab dikabulkannya dia atau merupakan waktu-waktu yang di dalamnya dikabulkan doa, yang demikian itu karena manusia ketika antara adzan dan iqamah menunggu shalat dan dia masih (dihitung) di dalam shalat dan ibadah dan di dalam perasaan menuju kepada Allah ‘Azza wa Jalla, jauh dari kesibukan dunia, pembicaraan di dalamnya serta keterkaitan dengannya, maka jadilah waktu itu termasuk waktu yang dikabulkan di dalamnya dia dan diharapkan di dalamnya pengabulan doa.” (Lihat Syarah Sunan Abu Daud, karya Syaikh Abdul Muhsin Al Abbad hafizhahullah – syameela).
Subhanallah, hanya dengan menyisihkan waktunya lima menit sebelum orang lain, dia mendapatkan pahala shalat berjamaah yaitu 27 derajat lebih tinggi daripada shalat sendirian.

عنِ ابْنِ عُمَرَ أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ -صلى الله عليه وسلم- قَالَ «صَلاَةُ الْجَمَاعَةِ أَفْضَلُ مِنْ صَلاَةِ الْفَذِّ بِسَبْعٍ وَعِشْرِينَ دَرَجَةً»

“Abdullah bin Umar radhiyallahu ‘anhuma meriwayatkan bahwa Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam bersabda: “Shalat berjama’ah lebih utama dari pada shalat sendirian dengan dua pulu tujuh derajat.” (HR. Muslim).
Demikianlah… masih banyak pahalah dan ganjaran yang luar biasa yang Allah sediakan, padahal hanya menyisihkan waktu lima menit sebelum orang lain.
****
Tulisan ini bukan hanya sekedar berlomba menjadi muadzdzin akan tetapi leboh condong mengajak dan memotivasi kita bagaimana dengan hanya menyisihkan beberapa menit, beberapa jam, beberapa waktu untuk meluangkan ibadah maka niscaya dia akan mendapatkan keuntungan dunia sebelum akhirat.
Tujuan tulisan ini untuk orang-orang yang tidak mampu menyisihkan sedikit waktunya untuk beribadah apalagi banyak waktunya.
Untuk contoh silahkan cari dan telaah sendiri.. Semoga bermanfaat saudaraku… BEDANYA CUMA LIMA MENIT!!!

*) Ditulis pada hari Sabtu, 3 Rabi’uts Tsani 1433H di Dammam, KSA
—
Penulis: Ustadz Ahmad Zainuddin, Lc

Artikel Muslim.Or.Id

Kesulitan dan Kemudahan

Jika hidup sudah nyaman kemudian harus berubah, meningalkan kenyamanan yang biasanya sulit. Ini ciri-ciri penyakit wahn atau cinta dunia dan takut mati. Na udzubillahi min zalik.
Tapi segalanya dari Allah dan padaNya juga akan kembali. Manusia harus beriman pada takdir baik maupun takdir buruk karena sesungguhnya semuanya tetaplah yang terbaik menurut Allah bagi hambaNya. Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli hal. Selagi masih bersama keluarga, masih ada makanan untuk hari ini dan tempat untuk berteduh, Alhamdulillah...Nikmat apalagi yang saya dustakan? Jika melihat ke bawah (orang-orang yang diberi cobaan/ujian lebih berat), ingin rasanya menangis karena sedih...astaghfirullah...ampuni saya ya Allah jangan sampai saya kufur nikmat.

Kadangkala perubahan itu belum terjadi baru tanda-tandanya tapi kepala sudah pusing memikirkannya dan uring-uringan. Semestinya tetap berusaha sekuat tenaga dan sebaik mungkin dibantu doa yang tak pernah putus....semoga Allah memberikan yang terbaik, memberi kemudahan, hikmah dan keberkahan...amiin. Bagaimana mungkin saya bisa mendidik anak untuk tegar menghadapi cobaan kalau saya ibunya sendiri lemah. Kakak juga tadinya kecewa karena akan pindah rumah (contoh saja, kita baru mau pindah camp nih...belum pindah negara) sekaligus pindah sekolah yang resikonya dia tidak bisa manggung dalam drama Aladdin padahal dia dapat peran narator yang cukup banyak bicara dan nyanyi. Pentas tinggal sebulan lagi, sejauh ini dia sudah latihan keras dan ingin tampil. Alhamdulillah, Allah Yang Membuatnya mudah...dia sudah bisa tersenyum dan tertawa lagi...subhanallah hikmahnya dia tidak manggung alias bergaya-gaya yang tidak sesuai dengan syariah Islam...bahwa musik dan lagu haram. Alhamdulillah Engkau telah menyelamatkan anak saya ya Allah Yang Maha Mulia.

Hari ini Robena menelpon saya bahkan meminta saya datang ke rumahnya. Dia sedang bingung karena rencana dia akan kembali ke England (sementara suaminya tetap bekerja di Saudi) akhir tahun ajaran ini dan memindahkan anak-anaknya di sebuah private school Oxford jadi kacau karena dia hamil dan InsyaAllah September dia akan melahirkan. Suaminya pun berat melepasnya dan dia pun khawatir repot mengurus bayi sementara jadi single parent untuk sementara waktu (kalau libur sekolah, mereka berkumpul sekeluarga lagi).Pengaruh hormon yang berubah karena kehamilannya membuat dia sedih, bingung dan gelisah. Semoga setelah ngobrol-ngobrol tadi Allah membukakan mata hati Robena dan juga saya sendiri untuk selalu ikhlas menerima kenyataan apa pun walaupun tak sesuai harapan tapi yakin bahwa Allah tahu yang terbaik. Apalagi kenyataan itu berupa rezeki berupa musibah saja kita harus selalu bersyukur Alhamdulillah apalagi kehamilan yang merupakan nikmat. "But yessy! I'm very concern about my son's education." Allah lebih concern lagi...karena Allah lah Yang Mengurusi hamba-hambaNya. InsyaAllah kalau kita ikhlas menerima kenyataan ini apalagi kehamilan ini merupakan rezeki pasti ada hikmah besar dibalik semua ini. Kalau kita ikhlas, Allah pasti akan menolong kita dan anak-anak, pokoknya dgn sesuatu yang gak disangka-sangka, hikmah terbaik..."

Demikian juga dengan saya jika Allah menghendaki suami saya pindah kerja di negara lain lalu sementara waktu saya harus kembali ke tanah air, semoga ini kesempatan saya untuk mengurus kedua orangtua saya. Anak-anak mungkin agak terbengkalai sekolahnya tapi yakin kalau niat kita baik, InsyaAllah ada kemudahan...anak-anak bisa mendapatkan ilmu yang lebih baik dalam waktu sekolahnya yang hilang...InsyaAllah...

Yaa Robena dan saya, kita semua hanya menjalani takdir Allah, Dialah Yang Maha Kuasa, Mengatur segalanya...kita ibarat pelakon/aktor....tapi apakah aktor yang sesuai kehendakNya atau sebaliknya...disinilah ujian kehidupan...semoga kita semua lulus ujian kehidupan dengan nilai baik dalam pandangan Allah...amiin. Hingga bisa selamat di dunia dan dimasukkan dalam Jannah, dikumpulkan dengan golongan yang sholihin...amiin. Tujuan hidup kita memang akherat dan bertemu Allah...semoga kita senantiasa menomor satukan Allah tidak menyekutukanNya dengan terlalu cinta dunia, harta, anak dsb...semua itu adalah sarana untuk beribadah bukan tujuan hidup...Allah menghidupkan kita di dunia untuk beribadah padaNya. Semoga bayangan kesulitan kita dihilangkan Allah. Semoga Allah memudahkan kita. Kalaupun ada kesulitan, semoga Allah menjadikannya mudah...amiin.

اَللَّهُمَّ لا سَهْلَ إِلاَّ مَا جَعَلْتَهُ سَهْلاً وَ أَنْتَ تَجْعَلُ الْحَزْنَ إِذَا شِئْتَ سَهْلاً

Allaahumma Laa Sahla Illaa Maa Ja’altahu Sahlaa Wa Anta Taj’alul Hazna Idza Syi’ta Sahlaa

"Yaa Allah, tidak ada yang mudah kecuali Engkau membuatnya menjadi mudah dan jika Engkau menghendaki, Kau mampu membuat kesulitan menjadi mudah. "

A ride...

Dalam perjalan pulang dari klinik ke rumah saya melihat seorang wanita berjalan kaki di trotoir. Waktu di klinik saya juga melihatnya. Saya hentikan mobil di pinggir jalan lalu mengajaknya naik ke mobil. Saya katakan akan mengantarnya jika dia tidak keberatan...namanya hmmm...agak susah nih, Eidelaid kalau gak salah....dia kira saya orang Saudi karena bercadar. Dia berasal dari Venezuela. Dia berterima kasih pada saya...saya bilang, gak masalah...tujuan kita  sama...rumahnya tidak jauh dari rumah saya. Cadar bukan berati kita menjadi pribadi yang tertutup dan tidak perduli orang lain...bahkan harus menunjukkan bahwa wanita muslimah bergaul dengan akhlak yang baik...saling tolong menolong namun tetap istiqomah dalam iman Islam. Masalah agama...bagimu agamamu dan bagiku agamaku...namun tetap berbuat kebajikan kepada sesama...meskipun dalam hal-hal kecil seperti ini...semoga Allah menerimanya sebagai amal shalih dan ibadah padaNya...amiin

Saba Syeda, Conservative Muslim

Over her typical American clothing, Saba Syeda wears a face veil, a long head scarf, and a roomy outer garment -- even while riding a Jet Ski. "I put a life jacket over my abaya [the outer garment]," she explains, "and that keeps it from flapping around. Believe it or not, my niqab [the face veil] stays in place most of the time. Of course, all those clothes can be burdensome and uncomfortable. But they remind me of my commitment to God, so I'm willing to make some sacrifices. Overall, covering makes me feel like a better Muslim and a stronger woman."
Syeda, 33, who lives in Newark, Delaware, with her husband and three kids, represents a small minority of Muslim Americans who cover from head to toe in the name of Islam. Wearing a face veil is not a requirement, but for Syeda it is a religious choice. She says it helps her remain modest and humble and ensures she maintains platonic relationships with men other than her husband. But Syeda's clothing isn't stocked at the local mall -- she orders her garments online from Egypt, Lebanon, and Jordan or buys them when she travels abroad.
Syeda started covering her face with a veil as a sophomore at the University of Houston, where she was a biology major. Her parents, who are Pakistani immigrants, were not thrilled. Her mother wore a head scarf but feared that Saba's face veil was going too far. "They were afraid the niqab would make me stand out too much," says Syeda. "But they eventually accepted it when they realized it was more than just a passing phase."
Today Syeda is well known in the Islamic community as the founder of a Muslim women's magazine called Daughters of Adam and as a featured blogger on the website Muslimmatters.org. She says covering doesn't stop her from doing "normal" things like shopping for kids' clothes, lunching with friends who don't cover (she had to learn to eat with the veil on, and they had to learn to stop laughing at her when she did), or playing at the park with her kids. "The other children are always curious about me. They'll say, 'Look mommy, it's a ghost, or an angel.' It's the parents who look the most uncomfortable."
Dressing in an outfit more synonymous with Saudi Arabia than the Eastern Seaboard does raise eyebrows, but it doesn't bother Syeda. "From the outside, they might think, 'Whoa, she's so oppressed,' but to me it's exactly the opposite," she says. "The loose clothing and face covering mean I no longer feel objectified by men. It makes me feel confident and liberated."
Originally published in Ladies' Home Journal, February 2011.

Change In Parents Continues by Umm Reem

Continuing from last week, let's focus on more practical steps towards parenting.
Admitting Our Mistakes:
We parents are human and far from perfect. Hence, we make mistakes as parents in our judgments or decisions. However, when and if we realize that we have made a mistake, it is best that we admit and apologize to our child/ren.  Not only does this teach them to act accordingly, it creates a more intimate and open relationship between child and parent.
For example, sometimes we get angry for no reason, usually when we are tired or frustrated about an unrelated issue. Unknowingly, we release our frustration on our children, only to feel bad about it later on. It is best to talk to our children, explain to them the reason for our outburst, and apologize to them. Believe me, this doesn’t take away from our respected position. In fact,  it puts us on a higher respectful status. Additionally, this prevents children from harboring psychological distresses or evil thoughts.
Respect:
Teaching our children to respect their elders is an essential part of their upbringing. But the way it is done may differ from family to family. I have talked about this issue in detail before. One primary thought that I have is that although we, as parents, may each have our own way of dealing with our children, there maybe elder members of the family who may have more strict expectations of respect especially those who come from an Eastern background. Therefore, it is best that we teach our children to act and behave around their elders within the family as it pleases them. Although children find it a little challenging at first, especially when they are young, but around age ten they usually are able to adopt ‘diplomatic attitudes’, if constantly reminded. As I said, I have discussed this issue in detail in my other article before.
Unnecessary Criticism of Others:
At times, family members tend to criticize our parenting skills, pointing out that things were done better ‘in their time’, or where they came from. It is especially a problem for those of us who have parents/in-laws/family from different parts of the world, while our children are being raised in the West.
Don’t worry, and learn to be diplomatic. Listen to what the elder members of the family have to say, and thank them for their advice. You don’t have to implement any of it, and you definitely don’t have to defend your position.
Many sisters run into issues with their in-laws. It is a complicated situation and normally there is no “easy” way out, especially if you live with your in-laws. If you don’t:

1. If it is a temporary situation, try to comply with their demand, keeping in mind that pleasing our parents-in-law helps our husbands earn Jannnah, inshaa Allāh. For example, a mother-in-law can be very particular about massaging little children with oil before bathing them, whereas a young mother may not consider it “necessary”, but sees that there is no harm in doing so while her mother-in-law is around. When our in-laws aren’t around, we may do as we wish. Similar situations can be handled the same way.
2. Sometimes, elderly parents criticize the way we interact with our children or vice versa. As much as it is hard to remain patient at that time, it is equally useless to argue. Be smart and don’t waste your energy trying to explain or defend your approach. Let it go. At the end of the day, you will do as you wish with your child.
3. At times, an elderly grandparent’s advice is invaluable. Although the way it is conveyed may not be the most appealing, examine their advice and see if it can be helpful and beneficial anyway. Don’t feel incompetent and week just because you took their advice, because these feelings are just waswasah of the shaytaan.

Accepting Criticism:
All the same, advice/constructive criticism should be welcomed from intimate family and friends, especially if it is coming from someone revered and respected, and it doesn't have to be a “shaikh”, it could simply be our best friend. In fact, we SHOULD allow our parenting be put under the microscope of these experienced individuals. Sometimes we’re blind sighted by our own actions and fail to see our own mistakes or our children’s shortcomings. Healthy and constructive criticism can only help us better the upbringing of our children, inshaa Allāh.
“Discipline” Outside the Home:
With younger children we tend to find ourselves in sticky situations where it becomes difficult to judge and handle the situation. For instance, at a grocery store, at the masjid, or at someone’s house we may face an act of misbehavior and become self-conscious. This leads to an over-reaction, more often than not, mainly because:

1. Others are watching
2. Our parenting abilities are being judged 
3. Our children are being judged.

My advice for parents in a situation like this is to:

1. Remain calm and composed.
2. Not worry about how many people are watching or what they are saying. Simply tune it all out.
3. Ask your child politely to behave. If they do, make sure you express your pleasure to them.
4. If the child insists on misbehaving, inform him/her that he/she will be punished when you get home and MAKE SURE that you do punish when you get home, so it becomes a lesson for the next time.

Take a Stand for your Child:
Sometimes, when people criticize our children and we firmly believe it to be unfair criticism then there is no harm in defending them without getting into an argument or clash. At times it is okay to just laugh it off, perhaps casually and politely remarking, for instance, ‘we don’t adopt that technique in our family system’ or ‘I don’t agree with that’.
If the child is older, it is very important to show them that you will take a stand for them. It gives them confidence and builds their trust. If you believe your child to be at fault, do not admonish him/her in front of others, but rather talk to him/her privately. If the situation requires an apology to someone they have wronged, assure them that you stand by their side and you will never demean them in front of others, politely point out their mistake, and explain to them why an apology is necessary. Reward them for admitting to their mistake.
Physical & Verbal Affection:
One aspect of parenting that is usually underestimated or shortchanged is showing physical affection to children. Our children are in need to hear but also see sign of our love and affection. It is not okay to believe that what we do for our children, and the advantages or tangible valuables that we provide for them are enough of a “sign” of our love. They are not. A true sign of love must be verbalized and shown through physical touching, like kisses, hugs and pats.
Abu Hurayra said, “The Messenger of Allāh, salla Allahu alayhi wasallam, kissed Al-Hassan ibn 'Ali while al-Aqra' ibn Habis at-Tamimi was sitting with him. Al-Aqra' observed, 'I have ten children and I have never kissed any of them.' The Messenger of Allāh, salla Allahu alayhi wasallam, looked at him and said, 'Whoever does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.'”
Some mothers stop showing physical affection once their sons grow older, and fathers are no different with their daughters. There is nothing haraam in being physically affectionate to our older children of the opposite gender, there being no age limit in this matter.
Talk Talk Talk:
Good and thorough communication is the key in raising and building a sound relationship with our children. Open up to your child and talk to them about everything. Even if you punish them, make sure that you explain to them why they were punished, so as shaytaan doesn’t twist their thoughts, create waswas in their minds, or arouse anger or hatred in their hearts.
Our communication should be so strong that even if they make a mistake, they should be able to approach us and admit it, knowing that they will not be disappointed. Inshaa Allāh we will discuss this further later in the series.
Friends & Companions:
Find them good friends from an early age. Sometimes childhood friends remain their best friends for the rest of their lives so it is best that we monitor the company they keep from the very beginning. Some parents may have to change their own company in order to provide good friends to their children.
Free Way or Complicated Small Roads:
Let us not be too demanding on our children. It is okay to let go sometimes, especially knowing that we are their path to Jannah. We have two different roads we can take. We can choose to be easy going parents and take the “simple freeways” or we can be over demanding parents and take the “complicated back roads with multiple turns”. The more we love our children, the easier we will be on them, inshaa Allāh ta’ala.
Self-Evaluation and Du’a:
Every time a child behaves badly, it is time for the parent to evaluate him or herself and take a closer look at their relationship with Allāh azza wajal.
Make du’aa, and lots of it. We really do not make enough use of the weapon Allāh has armed us with against shaytaan for our children’s protection. Remember our du’aa as a parent is accepted for them. We simply cannot achieve our goal and the success of our children without the help of Allāh no matter how much perfection we achieve in our parenting.
So far we have discussed some general issues related more to parents. Inshaa Allāh, next we will discuss matters enforced with kids between the ages of two-five. Please remember though that these age approximates are simply that, estimated suggestions. As a parent you can and should explore more with your child, as children never seize to surprise us with what they are capable of doing and understanding. Therefore, always challenge yourself and your child with more; never settle for less and in turn restricting their potential to flourish.

Jangan Malu Mengakui Identitas Kita

Besok ada writing celebration di kelas kakak. Dia diam aja, gak ngingatin saya untuk datang. Saya tanya,"Kak, besok ada writing celebration kan?" Dia hanya mengangguk. "Kakak mau ibu datang atau engga?" Dia mengangkat bahu kemudian menatap saya...."Iya tapi ibu jangan pakai cadar...," pintanya. Lagi-lagi masalah cadar..."Maaf nak...ibu gak bisa lepas cadar karena ibu sudah komit pada Allah untuk mengenakan cadar." Matanya mulai berkaca-kaca. Kakak harus menerima kenyataan ini bahwa ketaatan ibu pada Allah harus di atas segalanya, betapa sayangnya ibu pada kakak tetap Allah yang utama. Menutup wajah dengan cadar memang tidak bisa dibilang wajib karena ada hadits shahih yang mengatakan aurat wanita kecuali wajah dan telapak tangan jadi keduanya boleh ditampakkan namun penafsiran ayat 59 dalam surah Al Azhab dimana Allah berfirman kepada Rasulullah saw untuk mengatakan kepada istri2, anak2 perempuan dan istri2 orang mukmin, hendaklah mengulurkan jilbab ke seluruh tubuh agar mereka mudah dikenali....Kenapa mudah dikenali padahal wajahnya ditutupi kecuali matanya (ada haditsnya juga) karena jaman dulu jaman jahiliyah dimana wanita-wanitanya berpakaian ala jahiliyah dan masih ada perbudakan...dengan pakaian sesuai ayat 59 istri-istri, anak-anak Rasulullah dan wanita-wanita mukmin berpakaian berbeda sehingga mereka dikenali sebagai wanita muslimah hingga dihormati.

Kenapa malu, nak? Meski di dalam camp kita menyerupai miniatur Amerika tingkat Kelurahan namun di luar camp tetap Saudi Arabia, sebuah  negara Islam dimana banyak muslimah mengulurkan jilbabnya ke seluruh tubuh atau bercadar dan mereka aman, dilindungi negara...Kenapa harus takut, nak? Lain hal kalau di negara lain dimana keamanan ibu terancam dengan bercadar. Meski begitu, mengingat keistiqomahan saudari-saudari ibu seperti Khadijah Amerika dan Khadijah Kanada membuat ibu malu...semoga Allah memudahkan ibu dalam mengenakan pakaian ala istri-istri,anak-anak Rasulullah dan wanita-wanita mukmin hingga berbeda dengan wanita jaman sekarang yang modern dan mengikuti budaya western yag tak sesuai syariah..amiin. Begitu juga dengan kakak...cerita kakak bahwa Harriet pernah berkata, "Arantxa you look prettier without head scarf..." "Mereka" memang akan mengajak kita untuk menyerupai mereka bahkan mengajak kita hingga ke liang biawak, nak. "But you are pretty too with your headscarf..." kata Harriet lagi...See...tanpa 'headscarft'mu kamu memang cantik di mata manusia namun dengan 'headscarft'mu kamu juga cantik dalam pandangan Allah karena tengah belajar mengerjakan perintahNya. Semoga hatimu tetap teguh dalam ketaatan pada Allah dan bisa mengikuti sunnah Rasulullah saw...amiin.

Alhamdulillah.... halaqoh Qur'an di rumah kita tadi kedatangan anggota baru...Amy namanya, wanita Amerika yang menikah dengan laki-laki Palestine...Subhanallah...ada Alia dari Palestine yang mengajar ibu dan teman-teman...ada Shanaz wanita Amerika juga yang menikah dengan laki-laki Palestine/Mesir (mix) dan Khadijah wanita Kanada yang menikah dengan laki-laki Mesir. Ada Ruqayah dari Nigeria (suaminya juga Nigeria), kak Rozy dan Ira dari Malaysia, suami mereka pun Malaysian dan ibu yg bersuamikan orang Indonesia juga....MasyaAllah kak, Amy sedang belajar intensive bahasa Arab dengan Sophia (wanita Palestine, guru ibu juga dulu...) dan kini dia mulai belajar Qur'an...masyaAllah...semoga cerita ini memotivasi ibu dan juga...ibu jadi bersemangat lagi belajar bahasa Arab supaya lebih paham bahasa Qur'an..Senangnya berteman dengan wanita-wanita shaliha...jadi terpacu untuk berlomba-lomba dalam ketaatan..fasabiqotul khairat.

Kakak, tidak usah malu mengakui identitas kita sebagai muslim/muslimah berikut dengan atributnya ya....yang kita lakukan/kenakan ada dalilnya kok insyaAllah bukan berlebih-lebihan dalam beribadah...tujuannya untuk mentaati Allah dan rasulNya....JANGAN MALU, anakku....dan kita jangan ikut-ikutan kaum kuffar. Bukahkan wanita-wanita non muslim sekarang sudah banyak yang memeluk Islam (kembali ke agama mereka sejak lahir, agama yang fitrah) dan tidak malu-malu mengenakan niqob bahkan jilbab ke seluruh tubuh mereka subhanallah..jadilah ummat muslim sejati, pengikut Rasulullah saw. Ibu tidak malu...ibu tidak membicarakan reaksi orang-orang non muslim setelah melihat penampilan ibu berubah. Mereka adalah orang-orang yang tidak paham...semoga hidayah sampai kepada mereka kelak..amiin. Namun orang Islam sendiri bahkan yang paham makna ayat demi ayat dalam Qur'an karena bahasa ibu mereka adalah bahasa arab...astaghfirullah ada yang mengatakan mengenakan jilbab hingga seluruh badan dan niqob seperti 'ghost'...ada juga yang memandang ibu lalu mentertawakan ibu, bernada menghina... Ini musibah buat ummat Islam, nak. Ada lagi yang mencibir sambil berkata,"Di negara saya (Aljeria) wanita-wanitanya sudah jarang memakai pakaian seperti ini, sekarang mereka sudah maju..." Dalam hati ibu memohon yaa Allah bukakanlah mata dan hati saudari-saudariku ini. Kemajuan atau kemundurankah jika wanita muslimah condong pada kaum yang memusuhi Islam? Kalau sampai kakak yang malu bahkan menghina kaum muslimah sendiri (ibu mewakili mereka) berati musibah juga buat ibu...jangan sampai ya nak...Na udzubillahi min zalik.

Parenting Series | Part II: Change in Parents is Essential

December 22, 2010 by Umm Reem Family and Community
20 Comments Tags:   change · children · discipline · Forgiveness · lying · Parenting Series · parenting steps · parents · positive reinforcement

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | | Part V (b) | Part VI | Part VII
The following practical parenting steps are not in any particular order, but the implications of them can start from a very early age, even before the children turn two.
Positive Change in Parents:
From the beginning of a child’s life, a parent should constantly be involved and must develop a habit of spending quality time with the family. It is essential that a parent must think of him or herself as a role model for his/her child. Once a child arrives in a household, certain changes must be made by: a) the mother, b) the father, and c) the family as a whole.
Let’s not worry about influencing change in extended family to prevent undesirable influence on our children. What impacts our children most is the influence they receive from direct family, mainly their parents. The battle that many parents feel obliged to take on with their extended family in order to “protect” their children is quite useless and uncalled for.  Of course, da’wah should be given to everyone but from different perspectives and with the correct intentions.
Hide Your Sins from Your Children:
Islam encourages us to hide our sins from others and that includes hiding them from our children too. Therefore, every time we commit a sin and hide it, not only we are reminded that we are indulging in a sin (which should, inshā'Allāh, eventually lead us to shunning it), but also we will not be setting a bad example for our children either. However, because of their close proximity to us, if they see us do something wrong and confront us, we should not become defensive and feel that our parental status is being challenged. Rather, we should:

1. Show remorse
2. Admit our mistake
3. Ask them to make du’a for us that we cease this sin

In this way we are setting a guideline for them to follow in the future.
Instill Daily Habits:
Don’t think of instilling Islamic values as a part-time task like karate or soccer, which is done for an hour a few times a week at best. Rather, it should be a way of life, which may start off as a “task” due to our newfound eagerness, but should become more of a routine, like our daily athkaar when waking up, going to the bathroom, wearing the right shoe first, eating with our right hand, saying salaam, etc. We actually reach a point that if we forget, our children remind us.
Kindness & Tenderness:
The instinctive kindness felt towards our children should show more in our actions and our words. What can be taught with simple kindness cannot be taught with unnecessary strictness in the name of “teaching them to respect us”!
As the Prophet (salla Allahu ‘alayhi wasallam) said:
“Indeed gentleness is not used in any matter without it beautifying the task, just as removing gentleness makes the matter become  ugly”. (Muslim)
“He is not one of us who does not show tenderness to those who are young or respect to his elders.” (Tirmidhi)
In the same note, this applies to our methods of parenting, disciplining, and child rearing. Any Islamic value that we wish to instill in our child must be taught in a merciful way rather than a forceful way, especially when they are less than five or seven years.
Disciplining Children:
Nevertheless, it is not possible to raise a positive Muslim child without clear disciplinary measures. Setting consequences for their actions teaches children how to take responsibility for them. This may vary according to each action, sometimes being a firm reprimanding, time out, or temporary revoking of advantages (like play time or computer usage), all depending on the child’s age and the seriousness of the act of disobedience.
Positive Reinforcement:
It is highly advisable that we create a merit chart for children, on which their good and bad deeds are recorded. This idea can be adopted as early as two years of age. Parents can explore their arts and crafts skills and come up with different ideas to develop the behavioral chart. A friend of mine created a tree with ten branches out of construction paper and a bug with her child’s name. The bug would climb up the tree for every good point, and would come down for every bad one. Once the bug made it to the top, her child was rewarded. Sometimes she would switch the bug with a dollar so her child could earn the dollar at the end. For smaller children, set smaller goals with fewer steps to win the final reward.
Forgiveness:
Not every mistake has to be reprimanded, especially when they are young (up to around the age of seven). However, disapproval must be shown and a warning should be passed out so they don’t repeat the action, especially if it is a “first time” mistake.
At an older age, if the mistake is repeated, then as parents we should carefully consider how severe the mistake was, how disobedient they were and how much remorse they showed, judging of course by the situation and the child’s reaction. Once a fair appraisal is made, a parent can then consciously apply his/her punishment to teach them a valuable lesson and consequently end a habitual repetition of the ‘mistake’.
Lying, the Root of all Problems:
In my humble opinion, lying leads to greater problems and difficulty parenting. It is one of the most serious mistakes that my husband and I have personally been adamantly strict in forbidding, and hence have taken strict actions to prevent it from ever occurring in our household.
What we are not conscious of is that often times we indirectly teach our children to lie in the midst of ‘disciplining’ them! Mothers scare their children with imaginary monsters that will supposedly appear if they don’t finish their food, take their nap, or comply with their parent’s instructions. These are all forms of lies and we have been warned against it:
“Once a mother was calling her child and enticing him by showing her closed hand that she will give him something if he came. The Prophet, sallallahu alihi wasalam, upon seeing this asked her if she really had anything in her hand. The woman replied that she had a date. And the Prophet, sallallahu alihi wasalm, warned that had she haven't had anything to offer to the child, it would have been a lie.”
Truth must be upheld by parents first and foremost, and eventually will be acquired by children, inshā'Allāh. It has been my personal experience that although continuously observing the truth with our children takes effort and time, its benefits are great. It helps build parent-child trust, not to mention reflect proper Islamic tarbiyah. For example, when and if I had to leave my child home alone, from the time they were very young, I always gave them an honest report of where I was going. Some mothers prefer to give deceptive answers to make it easy on the child to stay behind such as “I am going to kill a lion” or “there are bad guys outside” etc. Quite frankly, these are all forms of lies.
This is not a trivial matter either because what we model for them is what they learn. In order to avoid a future problem of children lying to their parents, the initial steps of 'always being truthful to our children' must be taken. As I said, when a child is born, parents need to make specific positive changes in themselves.
At the same time, parents can be 100% honest, yet children will experiment with the idea of “lying to get out of trouble”. Stay prepared and be wise. As for me,I myself do not go easy when it comes to lying. On this essential belief, I have always made it clear that there are advantages to telling the truth. Thus, if:

1. The children themselves confess to having done something wrong, then most of the time I let them off the hook. Depending on the error, I might show disapproval or disappointment. Remember, disappointment can hurt them more than anger would and drives the message straight home!  Nevertheless, I show my appreciation of their confession. Simple words of appreciation from parents have a tremendous positive effect on a child. We, as parents, often tend to underestimate the power of words. At times, consider “rewarding” you child upon their confession to encourage them to be truthful.
2. If I find out about their disobedience or trick and confront them with it, and they choose to admit the truth, then they are lightly punished. Again, appreciation should be shown for their choice to admit the truth, followed by a reminder of how their punishment would have been far more severe had they attempted to lie to avoid it altogether.

When these measures are taken consistently from the time the children are at an early age, it is easier to instill the habit of honesty. This is not to mention the fact that it is easier to catch them in their lie when they are younger!
However, when they are too young (up to around age 5 or 6), we shouldn’t be too harsh but rather only be firm and consistent in our reprimands. After age 7, consequences will be necessary.
Be Flexible:
Let me conclude this part of the series by advising parents to be flexible with the children. For instance, sometimes we may punish them by revoking a certain advantage for a fixed number of days, but we may see a genuine effort from the child's side in “being good” and trying to make up for their mistake. In that case, I do not feel necessary that the punishment must be applied as it was determined. I do believe that the good deeds remove the bad deeds,

“Verily the good deeds remove the evil deeds. This is a reminder for the mindful.” (11:114)

This principle should be applied towards the tarbiyyah of our children also. This will encourage the children to follow up their mistakes with good deeds from a very young age, especially when they are informed of why their punishment was lifted/lightened.
This idea may be in contrast to the principle of consistency, but I personally do not conceive parenting to be a “military ground,” and neither do I want parents to be dictators. Flexibility should be applied. Even when the children get older, they should be given room to disagree with their punishment, though with respectful and reasonable objection. This helps the children not harbor any anger against their parents and also enhances their confidence and helps build an understanding with the parents.
Again, every child is different and a parent must make an effort, from a very young age, to get to know his/her child. Parenting guidelines cannot be written in stone and at times we may have to experiment different methods to learn what works best for our child.
inshā'Allāh, next week we will continue with more practical steps.

 

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Tags:   change · children · discipline · Forgiveness · lying · Parenting Series · parenting steps · parents · positive reinforcement · allah · insha'allah

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Parenting Series | Part I: Swimming Against The Current

December 15, 2010 by Umm Reem Family and Community
32 Comments Tags:   children · goals · Islamic Education · parenting · Parenting Series · parents · role model · Values

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | | Part V (b) | Part VI | Part VII
We are living in a strange time of rat races, struggling to keep up with others around us. This race is not only limited to our wealth, status, or any other type of materialism, but also includes the way we carry out many of our daily roles in life, especially as parents. The way we raise our children and the values/goals we set for them has become a matter of competition. The definition of a good parent, in our world, revolves around how comfortably our children are raised, how much money we are able to collect and spend on them, the amount of good, fresh food that is provided daily, and what “type” of secular education we are able to provide for them. The more we are able to provide of these worldly things, the better we are perceived as fulfilling parents.
As bound by our nature, we follow the herd, meaning the norm of our society. Similarly, we pass on the same goals and priorities to our children. Even if someone desires to live a different lifestyle, it is very easy to succumb to the daily grind because of our surrounding environment.
However, as Muslim parents we are entrusted with responsibilities beyond the success of this world. Hence, we cannot afford to go with the flow if we do not know where this flow will ultimately take us. Therefore, it is binding upon a Muslim parent to know:

• What our goal is as parents
• Who our role models should be

If our ultimate goal is strictly bound to the benefits of this world, then we can follow the trends of this world and our worries are limited; wishing only for our children a good education, a college degree, and a STDs/drug free life. On the other hand, if we have the next world in mind, then we must set ourselves additional values and goals which probably require swimming against the current, which is an extremely challenging and almost impossible task, unless stimulated by a solid motivation.
Why Set Superior Goals?
Why do we have to be the odd parent struggling to move against the current and creating more trouble for ourselves and complications for our child/ren? In a nutshell, remember we are alive not to focus on this world but rather to aim for the next world.
In my humble opinion, a loving parent is not one whose only focus is to fill his/her children’s stomachs, find them the best clothing, provide them with a comfortable place to live, and concentrate on their higher education.  I believe that TRUE love is reflected in how much attention is paid to the real purpose of their existence and to their final destination.
I was told about a young Pakistani man who had recently graduated with a Master's degree from abroad and then returned to his motherland. He was an only child and his parents had “done it all” for their only son from the time he was born; they provided him with a luxurious upbringing and the best education of their time. However, and unfortunately, it didn’t include any religious guidance as that did not seem to be of value or importance. Disappointing to say, the young man fell sick and was diagnosed with cancer in its last stages. When he was hospitalized, he met an old man who talked to him about life after death, heaven and hell, and his last journey. That day, the young man cried like a little baby for he was not prepared for his journey, and he had nothing to take to his real destination. He questioned his parents about their negligence, looking at his degrees and achievements in dismay. How can his Master’s help salvage him? His parents realized their error but could only rue their heedlessness. Nevertheless, he was blessed during his final hours with a teacher who helped him learn ṣalāh, the Qur’an, and more of the basics of Islamic knowledge. I do not know if this young man lived or if he rests in his grave now, but I do hope and pray that Allāh ‘azza wa jall accepted his efforts, grants him Jannah, and forgives him and his parents. āmīn.
Let’s keep in mind that not everyone gets a last minute opportunity to make up for life-long negligence. Death comes unannounced and at the least expected moments; it is a reality that we can all be assured of. The question is, how many of us are preparing our children for that inevitable moment?
My daughter is fatally allergic to peanuts. A few years back, she had an accidental exposure to peanuts, causing an extremely dangerous reaction. On our way to the ER, she was throwing up, breathing abnormally, and her lips were turning blue. As I held her head in my arms, she whispered to me, “It’s okay mama, everyone has to die some day!” Her eyes rolled backwards (I will never forget that sight), and I thought we were going to lose her before we made it to the hospital. She was in indescribable pain, and as a mother I felt helpless because I couldn’t do anything for her.  All I wanted was for her to stop hurting, but I couldn’t take her pain away. To make a long story short, alḥamdulillāh no ill became of her; a short stay in the ER of the hospital and we were able to return home the same night. Still, that day I realized my limitations as a parent. When I thought I would lose her, I was willing to exchange my soul for hers, but it was a useless and absurd bargain to even think of. I realized that if those were her last moments, nothing would have benefitted her except her preparations for her final destination. My children might travel on their last journey before I do, and it is a journey they have to take alone. I will not be able to help them at this time and can only help them get ready for their meeting with the angel of death.
So, dear parents, while we prepare our children for their interview at an Ivy League school or for a big job, we cannot and must not forget about their ultimate interview and meeting with the angel of death. And with this in mind, we must aim to raise our children in a way appropriate and safe for their akhirah as well as their dunya, inshā'Allāh.
Having said this, I am not undermining secular education by any means. I am a firm believer that a secular education is very important for our children, particularly during this era. They must know and understand the world they live in, which is for their benefit; they must also be educated to secure a good job and be self-sufficient as a Muslim should be.
Yet, we must find a balance when we raise Muslim children while aiming for the akhirah, all the while doing well in this dunya. Our children study at school for 8 hours a day and come home with tons of homework, so where do we “fit in” Islam into their lives?  This is the question posed in every Muslim parent’s mind whose kids are not homeschooled or are not attending an Islamic school.
I wish I had a step-by-step guide for every parent according to their child’s type and age. Unfortunately, I don’t. And although I am not an expert in this field, I have a few suggestions to offer parents, some based on my own experience as a parent, some from counseling teenagers and other parents, and some based on simple observations.
Let us keep in mind that Islam is not a “subject” that we teach as a second-language or like sports training for soccer or football where we train/educate for a few hours during the day and then forget all about it until the next class. Rather, it is our religion, a way of life, and should be dealt with and taught like any daily ritual of our lives. In other words, instill our religion in their everyday lives, so it is indigenous to them.  It obviously requires a lot of effort from us as parents but be assured our good effort is never wasted:
“…then Allāh surely does not waste the reward of the doers of good.” (12:90)
Better yet, we will thus achieve our goal, inshā'Allāh, and our children will become a sadaqah jaariyyah (ongoing charity) for us, not to mention that they will secure their akhirah, by the mercy of Allāh.
“When a person dies, all his deeds come to an end except three: ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge (which he has left behind), or a righteous child who will pray for him.”
Let us be assured that it is, perhaps, the bare minimum requirement of being a “Muslim” parent, for the Prophet of Allāh (sallAllahu alayhi wasalam) said:
“Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The imaam is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of his family and is responsible for his flock. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house and is responsible for her flock. A servant is the shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for his flock…” (Bukhāri; Muslim)
Our children are entrusted to us by Allāh ‘azza wa jall, so we must set proper values for them and direct their lives in the correct direction. If we neglect our responsibilities, then not only do we become partially responsible for spoiling our children’s akhirah (if they go astray), but we also subject ourselves to punishment. Remember the Day when we will flee from our children; it will not be for any other reason but out of fear that they might question us about their neglected rights:
“That Day shall a man flee from his brother, And from his mother and his father, And from his wife and his children. Every man, that Day, will have enough to make him careless of others.” (80:34-37)
After all this, how can we not have the akhirah as the ultimate goal for our children, and how can we not aim for Jannah for our children? How can we neglect their akhira and not prioritize their deen in their lives?
Dear parents, it is strange that when it comes to this world, we always have high goals for our children and our expectations know no bounds, but when it comes to their real destiny, we aim for the bare minimum. We never settle for just high school, but rather from the time of their birth we remain ever consistent with the hope of at least a Bachelor’s degree. On the other hand, when it comes to their akhirah, we are pleased with ‘as long as they pray’, ‘fast Ramadan’, or ‘fulfill the fundamental 5 pillars’ for the entirety of their existence!
The upcoming articles in this Parenting series are a brief summary of “The Parenting Workshop” I have given in the US and in Doha to a Western audience. Henceforth, let us proceed to practical steps of achieving our goal, inshā'Allāh.

The Bitter Harvest
By Muhammad Al-Shareef

---

I was a teacher in the Qur'anic study circle at our neighborhood Masjid at the time. I would see this young boy after Maghrib prayers, you might say he was about fifteen years old. He held a pocket Qur'an and sat alone reading from it - no, he wasn't actually reading from it, he was just trying to make it seem as if he was.

Now and again, he would shyly steal a few glances at us, curious to know what we were doing. Once in awhile, you might see him straining to make out what we were talking about.
Every time I caught his eye, he would avert his head and continue with his recitation, as if he had not intended to look this way.

Day after day, he sat in the same reserved manner, revealing the same timid glance. Finally after Isha Salah one day, I resolved to confront him.

"As Salamu 'Alaykum, my name is Salman, I teach the Qur'ânic study circle in this Masjid."
'And my name is Khalid.'

Strange, he replied so fast, as if he had been waiting to share this piece of information for such a long time and expected to be asked.

"Where do you study Khalid?"

'In the Eighth grade … and I … I love the Qur'an a lot.'

Strange indeed, why did he add that last sentence?

Confidently, I asked him, "Listen Khalid, have you got any free time after Maghrib? We would be honored to have you join us in the class."

'What? The Qur'an? The Halaqah? Yes … why, yes of course (happiness overcame him). I'll be there, Insha'Allah.'

That night, I couldn't think of anything other than this young boy and the haze that surrounded his behavior. Sleep would just not come.

I attempted to interpret an answer for what I saw and heard, but there was none. A verse of poetry came to mind: 'the coming days shall unravel the mystery / and the news may appear from where you could never see.'

I turned on my right side and slipped my right hand under my cheek. O Allah, I have surrendered myself to You and to You I turn over my affairs.

***

Subhan Allah, how the calendar was jogging by. Khalid was now a regular in our Qur'anic circle, energetic and successful in memorization. He was friends with everyone and everyone was friends with him. You could never catch him without a Qur'an in his hand, or find him in any other line in Salah other than the first.

There was nothing wrong with him except for his occasional long lapses of attention. There were times when his stoned eyes would reflect the fathomless thought going on in his mind. Sometimes we knew his body was with us, but his soul was somewhere else, suffocating in another world.

Occasionally, I would startle him. All he had was a mumble to reply with, he would have been the first to admit its fabrication.

One night, I walked with him after class to the beach shore. Maybe his big secret might meet something equally large, relax somewhat, and release its distress and pain.

We arrived at the beach and traced the waves. The full moon was out.

A strange sight. The darkness of the night found the darkness of the sea, with a lit moon in-between them.

It sat somewhat embarrassed at its intrusion, similar to my shyness towards Khalid right then.

The rays of the silent moon rested on the silent waves of the sea. I stood behind the silent boy. The scene was silence.

Just then!

It all shattered and crushed to the ground as the young boy fell to the bottom, bleeding his heart with tears. I chose not to interrupt Khalid's emotional release, perhaps the saltiness of his tears might help him relax and cleanse his distress.

After a few moments he said from behind his tears, 'I love you all … I love the Qur'an … and those who love it. I love pious brothers, moral, pure brothers.

'But … my father … it's my father.'

"Your father? What is wrong with your father Khalid?"

'My father always warned me not to hang around with you people. He's afraid. He hates you all. And he always tries to convince me that I should hate you too. At any chance he gets, he'll try to prove his point with stories and tales.

'But … when I saw you people in the Halaqah reciting Qur'an, I saw something entirely different. I saw the light in your faces, the light in your clothes, the light in your words, even when you were silent I could see the light even then.

'I doubted my father's tales and that's why I would sit after Maghrib, watching you, pretending that I was part of the circle, trying to share in the light.

'I … I remember Ustadh Salman … I remember the time you approached me after 'Isha prayer. I'd been waiting for that moment for such a long time. When I began the classes, my soul locked itself into a world of purity with your souls. I began the circle and was persistent. I wouldn't sleep, my days and nights became Qur'an. My father noticed the change in my routine. He found out, one way or another, that I had joined the circle and that I was now hanging out with "terrorists."

'Then, on a dark night…

'We were waiting for father to come home from the coffee shop, his daily ritual, so that we could all have dinner together.

'He entered the house with his hardened face and slaps of anger.

'We all sat together at the dinner mat. Silence settled on the gathering as usual, all of us were afraid to speak in his presence.

'He knifed the silence with his roaring and immediate voice. "I heard you're hanging out with the fundamentalists."

'I was caught red. My tongue looped and failed. All the words in my mouth attempted to come out at the same time. But, he didn't wait for the answer…

'He snatched the teakettle and threw it maliciously at my face.

'The room spun and the colors united before my eyes. I stopped distinguishing the ceiling from the walls from the floor, and fell.

'My mother held me.

'A damp cloth on my forehead reminded me of where I was. The vicious voice turned on my mother, "Leave him alone, or you'll be in the same lot."

'I crawled out of my mother's lap and whimpered away to my room. He followed me down the corridor with the cruelest curses.

'There was not a day that he didn't beat me in some way. Curses, kicks, throwing whatever was nearest to his hand. My body had finally become a shiver of fear, grotesque colors formed all over. I hated him.

'One day while we were sitting at the dinner mat, he said, "Get up, don't eat with us."

'Before I could get up though, he pounced immediately and kicked me in the back, making me slam into the pots.

'At that moment, lying there on there on the ground, I pretended to stand taller than him and shout back in his face…

'One day, I'll pay you back. I'll beat you just like you beat me, and curse you just like you cursed me.

'I'll grow up and become strong. And you'll get old and become feeble.

'And then … I'll treat you just like you treated me. I'll pay you back.

'After that, I left home and ran away. I just ran, anywhere, it didn't matter anymore.

'I found my way to this beach. It helped me wash away some of the sadness. I held my pocket Qur'an and began reciting until I could continue no longer because of my excessive crying.'

And here, a few of those innocent tears descended again, tears that sparkled under the moon like pearls under a lamp. I couldn't say anything, the surprise had arrested my tongue.

Should I be aghast at this beast of a father, whose heart knew nothing about mercy? Or, should I be amazed at this patient young lad, whom Allah had wished guidance for and inspired with faith.

Or, should I be shocked at them both, at the father-son bond that had broken, causing their relationship to transform into that of a lion and a tiger, or a wolf and a fox.

I held his warm hand and wiped away a tear from his cheek. I reassured him, prayed for him, and advised him to remain obedient to his father. I told him to remain patient and that he was not alone. I promised that I would meet his father, speak to him, and try to evoke his mercy.

***

That incident slipped further away with each passing day. I tried thinking of ways to open Khalid's case with his father. How should I speak to him? How was I going to be convincing? To be frank, how was I even going to knock on his door?

Then finally, I collected my courage, rehearsed my plan, and resolved that the confrontation … uh, meeting … would be that day at five o'clock.

When the time arrived, I left for Khalid's house with all my ideas and questions for his father dangling from my pockets.

I rang the doorbell. My fingers trembled and my knees were melting. The door opened. There it was, standing in the shadow with it's frowned lips and veins beating with anger.
I tried beginning with a candid smile. Maybe it might smooth out some of the wrinkles before we even started.

He snatched my collar and jerked me towards him. 'You're that fundamentalist that teaches Khalid at the Masjid, aren't you?'

"Well … uh … yes."

'God help me, if I ever see you walking with him again, I'll break your legs. Khalid won't be coming to your class anymore.'

And then, he mustered all the saliva in his mouth and spit on my face. The door slammed behind it.

Slowly, I unfolded a tissue that was in my pocket, wiped what he had honored me with, and retreated down the stairs consoling myself. Allah's Messenger - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - suffered more than this. They called him a liar, cursed him, stoned him with rocks and caused his feet to bleed. They broke his teeth and placed dung on his back and expelled him from his house.

***

Day after day. Month after month. No sign of Khalid. His father forbade him from leaving the house, even for the congregational prayer. He even forbade us from seeing or meeting him. We prayed for Khalid …

Until we forgot about him. Years passed away.

One night, after the 'Ishâ' prayer, a shadow walked behind me in the Masjid and rested a familiar harsh hand on my shoulder. The same hand that held me years ago. The same face, the same wrinkles and the same mouth that honored me with what I was not deserving of.
But ... something had changed. The savage face had shattered. The angry veins had subsided, belittled and still. The body looked tired of all the pain and conflict, weakened by sadness and grief.
"How are you?" I kissed his forehead and welcomed him. We took a corner of the Masjid. He collapsed on my lap sobbing.

Subhan Allah, I never thought that that lion would one day become a kitten.

Speak up. What's wrong? How is Khalid?

'Khalid!' The name was like a dagger piercing his heart, twisting inside, and breaking off. His head slumped.

'Khalid is no longer the same boy that you used to know. Khalid is no longer the generous, calm and humble young lad.

'After he left your circle he befriended a pack of evil boys, ever since he was little he loved to socialize. They caught him at that time of life when a youth wants to leave the house. Vanity, jokes.

'He began with cigarettes. I cursed him, beat him. But there was no use, his body had grown accustomed to the beatings, his ears were used to the curses.

'He grew quickly. He started staying up with them all night, not coming home until dawn. His school expelled him.

'Some nights he would come home to us speaking abnormally, his face loose, his tongue confused, his hands shivering.

'That body, which used to be strong, full, and tender, passed away. What remained was a feeble worn frame. That pure frosty face of his transformed. It became dark and filthy. The scum of misguidance and sin clung to it.

'Those shy and simple eyes of his changed. They shot red like fire as if everything he drank or took showed immediately in his eyes like some sort of punishment, in this life before the next.

'Hostility and disrespect replaced that shyness and cowardice he once knew. Gone was that soft, respectful young heart. In it's place grew a hardened center, like a rock, if not harder.
'Seldom a day would pass without incident. He would either curse, kick, or hit me. Imagine it, my own son. I'm his father, yet he still hits me.'

After releasing all that, his eyes returned wet and bitter. But, he added quickly, 'I beg you Salman, visit Khalid. Take him with you, you have my blessing, the door is open.

'Pass by him sometime. He loves you. Register him in the Qur'anic study circle. He could go with you on field trips. I have no objection. In fact, I am even willing to allow him to live in your homes and sleep over.

'The important thing, Salman … the important thing is that Khalid returns to the way he was.
'I beg you lad, I'll kiss your hands, warm your feet, I beg you and beg you…'

He collapsed, crying and wheezing, into the memories of the grief and pain. I allowed him to complete everything he had to say.

Then I addressed him…

"Despite what has passed, let me try. Brother, you planted this seed. And this is your harvest."