Through the white window

The White Frame Window

Through this window I saw green gardens and colorful flowers, three storey bricked houses with basements and backyards. I also heard the birds chirping in the early morning. On the left side accross the backyards, there was a house with big glass windows without curtains on the first floor. So I could see a clean, tidy and nice kitchen whose walls were painted with red color. It looked like crimson red color, one of my favorite colors. I adore the power of cozy warm crimson red color brings to the feeling of love and warmth into the room. Sometimes I would see a young man, but most of the time an older man arranging dishes on the dish washer, cooking or making something in their red kitchen. Sometimes I could see them together there. I saw  them from above, through the white frame window on the second floor of the studio flat rented by my daughter.

On a beautiful bright and sunny Sunday morning, I saw two young couples through the window again. They were the next door neighbor with their guests sitting on their patio chairs in their simple, small, gorgeous backyard. I could hear their conversations clearly. The hostess told their guests her story about her childhood growing up in North Carolina. The conversation was getting more interesting when she told them that her Mom was about to divorce her Dad when her Mom had a love affair with her old best friend's husband. In the beginning, she helped her bestfriend who suffered from cancer. Then her cooperation with her bestfriend's husband ended up with a love affair. Eventually they got married and afterwards she never talked to her bestfriend anymore. The guests laughed and one said, "Of course they didn't. So much drama!"

My daughter and I, we both listened to the story. I felt sad for the neighbour's mom's bestfriend. How could they do that to her? Anyways that's life! Everyone deserves love and I did not judge anyone. Someone's story is like what we sometimes watch in the movies or literally the stories that movies based on true stories. So through this white frame window I could see and hear true stories as what I had seen in the movies.

10 days of quarantine after arriving London. Room 3 on the second floor of the blue door house on Offord Road, Islington. My precious moments staying with my beautiful daughter at her place in London for a month from September 6 until October 7, 2021. My daughter mashaaAllah was amazing. She liked cooking healthy and delicious foods for me. Glazed salmon with brocolli mushrooms and rice were my favorite. It was so yummy! So many stories between us sweetheart but spending time with you when the seasons changed, when the summer had gone and the autumn approached. That was a right time to us for reflection. It was a time to change. Changing to be better inshaaAllah. "Wish your happiness Ibu" that's what you always says to me. No worries sweetheart I'm happy Alhamdulillah! But you! You have just started your real journey! Keep following your dreams. Dream big and put your big efforts and sincere duaa to make it comes true.💓

Aku Ingin Bisa Menangis Lagi

Aku ingin bisa menangis lagi. 

Menangis ketika bersujud. 

Menangis ketika menengadahkan tangan, memohon pertolonganMu setelah mengeluhkan semua yang kurasakan padaMu. 

Aku rindu airmata ini bercucuran karena takut adzabMu dan berharap pertolongan dan ampunanMu. Bahkan aku ingin bisa ketiduran lagi di atas sajadah setelah kelelahan karena menangis kepadaMu. Aku sedih jika aku sulit menangis kepadaMu lagi. Bahkan aku berusaha keras untuk menangis lagi tapi hati ini rasanya tak sama. Seolah-olah aku berpura-pura dan aku merasa bahkan yakin bahwa Kau tahu yang tersembunyi dalam hatiku. Astaghfirullah al adzhiim.

Aku ingin selalu merasa dekat padaMu dalam tangisanku kepadaMu ya Allah. Sungguh! Aku ingi merasakan rengkuhanMu lagi yaa Allah. Yaa Allah Yang Maha Kuasa, jangan biarkan aku...jangan jauhi aku...jangan tinggalkan aku, jangan! Rengkuhlah diriku lagi! Aku ingin bisa menangis lagi. Meskipun sedih, sakit menghadapi ujianMu tapi aku bahagia bisa menangis dalam rengkuhanMu yaa Rabb.

Aku ingin bisa menangis lagi karena hadits ini:

Dari Ibnu Abbas radhiyallahu 'anhuma, bahwa Nabi SAW bersabda, “Dua mata yang tidak akan disentuh oleh neraka; mata yang menangis karena takut kepada Allah dan mata yang berjaga di jalan Allah.” (HR. At-Tirmidzi).