Our Life: Postingan kakak dalam blognya https://arantxainfra.wordpress.com

hello sweet flower,

i hope you wake up today knowing you are a frangipani 
in a field of hibiscus'
only because there is something
about the way frangipanis' bloom in Bali
and how soothing it is to see them float on water.

if right now your heart is aching
because you have just lost someone,
i hope you know i know.

if last night
you curled up in bed like a fetus
and hugged your pillow tight beside you,
i hope you know i know.

if the shower or bathub
becomes the place you stay in for hours
to contemplate and cry in silence
because the water is overlapping the sound of your tears
i hope you know i know.

if you come home at midnight,
crying
and breaking down in my arms
and unable to breathe properly,
i hope you know i know.

if it is 2am
and you call for me from your room
because you cannot sleep,
i hope you know i know.

if you come home from school
all grumpy 
and moody
and hating me,
i hope you know i know.

so darling,
if you come to my room 
and find me with red watering eyes
and puffy cheeks,
i hope you learn that behind me 
also lies a story.

that when your heart aches,
i know your stomach twists too
and it feels as if something has just punched you.
but i will hold you and tell you 
that what is to come is better 
than what has gone by.

that when you curl up as a fetus,
i know that you wish to only speak to the person
that makes you feel completely better,
but if that person cannot be there for you,
i will 
because sweetheart, i know.
i am the only one connected to you forever.

that when the day bath time becomes
as long as nap time,
i will make sure to open the bathroom door
and let you know
that i am here
and will wait for you to come out
until i know you are okay.

that when the day comes with you coming home
on a Friday night
or what,
breaking down in front of the door,
i will make you a warm cup of tea
and hold you
and cry with you, too.

that when it is 2 am
and you cannot sleep,
i will lie beside you 
and tell you stories
of times i wish to relive.

that when you are hating life
and grumpy from school,
i will laugh at you
because i will remember myself at 15 doing the same
and you will only just get more annoyed of me,

because
i have been there,
and you might never know that.
but i will do to you
as your grandma does to me,
if you cry, 
i cry too,
if you are happy,
i am happy for you,
because you are me,
you are a part of me,
and whatever you feel,
i will feel.

my mother raised me
by figuring things out myself,
so i hope
you learn life the same way
as i believe this life
is full of bliss, hardship, and adventure.

that within every person you meet
there is something you do not know.
that there is good in everyone 
but believing that does not mean so 
for the people who treat you no good.
that for some people the universe is big in them
but also that some people are placed in the wrong town.
that not everyone gets who they want
and that some people stay with people
even if they don't want to anymore.
that whatever happens
happens because it's meant to 
and that this life is not a wishing grant well.
that there will be falling
and rise
and i will be there to catch you.
and so if anything happens,
i hope you know i know.

I know,
arantxa infra

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